The first few steps of my journey in education, the loss of a parent, and the intricacies of a covid-society
I have had people ask me or tell me that I was going to be a teacher for quite literally years. In high school and middle school it was annoying. In college, when the people making those comments acted as if teaching was some unimportant and demeaning profession, it was insulting—to me and to teachers everywhere. It was in my second-to-last semester of school, while I studied at the BYU Jerusalem Center for Middle Eastern Studies, that I discovered a desire for educating. Admittedly, it initially stemmed from wanting to never leave Jerusalem and the unique environment BYU has created there with faculty, staff, and students. When I went back to finish my degree in Idaho, I took a class intended for future seminary teachers. I absolutely loved my time with Brother Ken Southwick and my classmates. I taught for a few days in a local seminary classroom and loved it even more.
After I graduated, I stayed around in Rexburg in the hopes that I would be invited to student teach. I had every intent to do just that, but then mid-February I started to think about my future with a different lens. I was struggling with the effects of winter in southeastern Idaho and had to decide if I was really willing to live and work indefinitely in this small Idaho town (no hate to Rexburg and its residents). The decision was made, and so I began searching how I could still teach with a Bachelor’s degree in English, not education. I knew there was some kind of certification that needed to happen but I was pretty much clueless.
Enter Texas Teachers. An accredited online program, they offered all of the information and resources I needed to really begin journey into the world of education. Right as lockdown began to hit in various places across the USA (early-mid March), I was beginning my course work. I moved from Idaho back to Texas during April (which was its own whirl wind of masked goodbyes and being mistaken as homeless thanks to my cats) and settled in for a summer of self-paced online schoolwork.
Covid affected many people’s lives in innumerable ways. If you feel like your life wasn’t really affected by covid-19 aside from a few inconveniences, then you are very lucky (because luck had 100% to do with it). One of the ways covid affected me initially was by fueling my anxiety and depression. I have since learned (thanks to that winter storm Texas had a few months ago) that isn’t was isolation but rather the lack of control I had over quarantining that was the problem, but more on that later on in this post. My inner introvert thrived on the solitude, and my cats definitely enjoyed it (check out @AlfieandMinni on TikTok and Instagram to see some of what they got and get up to).
I sped through Texas Teachers’ program and both took and passed my necessary content exams needed to teach. The same day I took the first exam I had three interview offers. In total I interviewed with 6 different schools and 4 different school districts. Some of them I treated as more of practice than a serious interview, and all were good learning experiences. I can’t even begin to express how much I loved my interview with the wonderful people at Castleberry High School in Fort Worth (that may sound like pandering but I felt appropriately and equally challenged and supported with the questions asked of me). I had made pretty much made my choice on that first day of interviews, as Castleberry was the only school in Fort Worth I had interviewed with and Fort Worth was my goal destination.
It was a stressful month finishing the necessary coursework and waiting for the test results from both content exams. When I was finally able to officially have the offer extended and accepted, I had a little over a week with some virtual trainings before finding an apartment and moving. I moved to Fort Worth on August 1st, started in-person training on August 3rd (I didn’t even have groceries yet), and school began on August 11th. I plan on making a separate blog post detailing the difficulties of learning how to be a teacher in literally months and then with an online classroom, but it’ll suffice to say that I’m actually kind of grateful for the virtual start. It helped me ease into actual teaching, and then also learn classroom management with small and gradually increasing class sizes.
I personally had to quarantine about 3 times total, and had twice as many covid tests. The last time I actually had to quarantine was right before Thanksgiving. I had spent the weekend before the holiday with my family in order to see my sister perform as the Witch in the musical Into the Woods. I learned that Monday/Tuesday that my sister had been exposed to someone who was covid positive, and then on Wednesday my sister tested positive herself. I immediately went to get a PCR test and was definitely very grateful when the decision was made for the rest of the school week to be fully remote (it meant I wasn’t going to need to take 2 days off while waiting for a test result). I felt a tiny bit under the weather, but no worse than I had felt the entire fall due to allergies.
The test came back negative, but then while baking during the week of Thanksgiving I discovered that I had lost my sense of smell. I immediately scheduled 2 more covid tests over the rest of the week—both came back negative. I never got “sick” and since I had 3 different negative tests from over a week, I went back to work. During that time, my sister had begun to feel the effects of covid. My mom had also caught the virus.
Both seemed to recover, my sister much faster than my mother. My mom received a negative covid test, and we thought we were in the clear (though I was very skeptical about the fact that my dad didn’t get sick and consistently tested negative). A few days later, I got a text during first period from my dad asking me to call him. I knew something was very wrong and excused myself from the classroom. At that point, my mom was no longer breathing. We know now that she had had a heart attack that morning. I went down the hallway to my department head who had conference period then. She immediately took over my class for me and strongly encouraged me to take the rest of the day off so that I could go home.
It took roughly 20-30 minutes of arranging things but soon I was able to go home. Cousins were in contact, and I spoke to my sister as well. I went back to my apartment and began to pack. I could probably have begun my drive to Houston then but I wanted to wait until I had confirmation from my principal that I was approved to be gone the next day as well. The entirety of the English department rallied around me and covered my classes. They even helped to grade my students’ work, and adamantly sent me on my way.
While driving to Houston, I had a little over 3 hours to cry (safely) and call people. I was definitely inspired to call specific people to let them know. It felt both very different and so familiar to finally pull into my family’s driveway, knowing my mom was gone both in body and in spirit. I cannot even begin to express my gratitude for the family that was there to help us. I spent the weekend home before going back to Fort Worth and the school. Many were shocked that I had come back so soon but I needed the distraction and the structure of the school routine leading up to the familiar.
Again, my amazing coworkers rallied around me to support me. I have yet to thank them all individually (with thank you cards like my mom taught me—some of you may even be reading this and thinking that that’s unnecessary, but I’ll eventually get to those thank you cards, I promise). Driving home to my mom’s funeral was a very different experience than driving home to her death. Only a few of my students had asked me what I was doing on my break, and to them I explained I was going to my mom’s funeral. They all responded with compassion and little bit of awkwardness, but I wouldn’t have changed that for the world.
It was hard to see her body. I will never forget that moment, especially because the last time I had actually seen her was before covid had made its way through our immediate family. As much as it pained me to see her like that, it was also so healing to see her at rest in a way she hadn’t been in years due to depression-induced memory loss. I will be eternally grateful for the family friends (the family) who helped to prepare her body for the funeral.
Another family friend had reached out to me, wanting to know if I would help keep his coming a secret from my dad. This person was a huge part of our lives when my family lived in Boston, Massachusetts. There was no doubt in my mind that he would be both welcome at the service and in our home. I whole-heartedly agreed. It was a spark of fun in an otherwise very difficult and sad time. I couldn’t in good conscience not let my dad know we would have a guest that weekend, so that day before I let slip that there may or may not have been someone who would be flying out and staying with us. My dad guessed correctly on the first try but my sister and I semi-successfully dissuaded him (by that I mean I denied it, casually, and proceeded to ask misleading questions such as “which terminals are foreign arrival, again?”).
It was heartbreaking and healing in equal measures to lead this family friend into our house. My dad walked into the foyer just in time to see him and he broke down in tears as he hugged this friend. More family also flew in.
In some ways, my mom’s passing and subsequent funeral were a blessing. By happenstance, I found my mom’s childhood best friend and was able to make contact with her. I explained what had happened, and it was partially due to her that I was able to convince my dad that we needed to have some sort of virtual way for people to attend the funeral.
I also spoke to one of my aunt’s, my mom’s oldest sister, for the first time in my life. It was a unique kind of pain to “meet” this woman for the first time with news of her younger sister’s passing. In some ways though, it also opened a door—due to private and personal reasons, we have not had much contact with my mom’s side of the family. With her passing, that is now beginning to change.
The funeral itself was practically perfect, as odd as it is to describe a funeral as “perfect”. So many people were present, in-person and virtually, to share their love for us and my mom. It was certainly odd to be around and see so many people, even outdoors, during one of the many spikes of the pandemic. However, love can transcend any mask or 6-foot distance.
Contact with family is not the only thing that has changed due to my mom’s passing, or at least in conjunction with it. I finally had the extra motivation needed to find a therapist. Covid actually made that process easier, as the therapist I found and am seeing has been doing tele-visits (which work with a teacher’s schedule way better than in-person visits ever would). I also found myself seeking increased levels of comfort and social interaction. I found those things with my local congregation. I was already active with the various meetings and activities, but I became involved at a new level that still hasn’t dissipated.
Church is one thing that was severely affected by the pandemic for me. I’ll admit, I was at first a little disgruntled during General Conference this past weekend with how much the speakers were referencing the covid-19 pandemic. Then I remembered that as much as my life had been affected (with work, telemedicine, church, and my mom’s passing) so many people’s lives had been equally if not more disrupted. I missed singing in church and the community that came from worship. I didn’t realize how desperately I missed all of that and more until I moved to Fort Worth. My congregation here is one of just young single adults (YSA as we call it), and I have found unexpected friends there.
I personally believe that in addition to physical and mental needs, every human also has spiritual and emotional needs. A huge number of people meet those spiritual needs with organized religion. I understand that that doesn’t apply to everyone, but it definitely applies to me.
This post is long and potentially rambling in some places, but this is intended for others to read just as much as it’s my own version of a journal. I hope to begin posting more consistently in the future, and have some opinions I want to share and events I want to address. If you read to this part, thank you!
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